I am asked to abide by the rules,
I called my mom telling things are falling out
Of my mental space
Or in place.
My mind was confused,
I held my pen
To know if my hands can decipher
How we are living in fiction.
I called my dad to know if the world lock us down
Or we were always meant to be
Amidst these walls.
There is only so much that we can control.
I sat down,
I walked down to my past-
And counted on the things I did
How I was the reason
Behind your burns, floods and downfall,
Now I am here closed in this box
Some times I look out of my bay window,
Looks like its all healing outside.
I now walk down the hallway
I called my mom and dad
They looked kid sick.
Like home sick?
I called my friends and told them how much I love.
I told them I am home and I want you all healing.
I snuggle in my sheets with peace,
For the first time in days
I was proud
Of how I can heal the in and out.
By just being there.
And I hope when you are healed,
I shall not take you back in the place I put you in first place.
When you heal, I hope I still be aware you need to breathe too.
I hope I am conscious and embrace the life more than ever.
I hope I let us live, Earth.
My midnight trauma is calling me again.
And I am trying to disconnect
But there you go.
You call me over and over again.
Which way do I turn around now?
What do I call for help?
You did not save the helpline number
So I went looking around for sibling
And I realize I don't have one.
I am gonna have to call somebody
How long are you reliable?
I am laughing every time you see me but
I want to scream
And all I am gonna hear is it screaming me back
What soul do I rely mine on?
Is there miracles?
Can you fill my pillows with soul?
Because I am trying to talk
But I am losing my shit.
And I will never know what I need
Just like this poetry
It's going to hundred places
And comes back to nothing
Just like me.
Drowning in hopes
Hopes of nothing again.
And my only escape being poetry.
All I am smoking is words
And getting high of empty mind.
I am left with just nothing to even think about.
Where do I even go when high?
Nothing is a dark place to be in.
You won't trip
You won't know.
You'll just be there.
Like you are in nowhere and nothing is there.
So I wake up next morning and tell myself,
It's okay to be there sometimes. .