I’ve always wondered why I was not capable to reciprocate your feelings. I discovered that I did really fall in love but did not know the name of the feelings I had. I asked myself day in and day out why I could not tell you this even after two blue moons since this realization. A fear of loss engulfed in and put me into a state of panic. I understood I cannot afford to love.
When two people love, they tend to break each others’ hearts. I don’t want you to turn the white rose red for me. We would never be able to stay in the presence of one another. I think that is what happens when two people, once in love, fall apart. They never fit together again. I could not afford to not fit you.
But if we were to remain friends, I can sit at the same table as you and laugh at the same joke. I can tease you every time I meet a new friend of yours. I can still watch your favourite movie with you. I could punch you in the stomach when you crack a lame joke. I could cry with you. I could fly with you. I could be with you forever. I can only afford that.
And when you realize the days are better, you might ask me out again. I will say no again. I can afford anything but loss. Especially not when the loss is you and your friendship. I have a way of running away when things aren’t the same anymore. So, I will make sure we stay the same. We will remain as we are. So will the love. So will the longing.