Toxic Parenting






Parents are the biggest treasure anyone can have, it's what they say. However, a lot of children around the world won't say the same. Toxic parenting is something that just isn't talked about enough. There's so much glorification of parenting in media. In society, parenting is also regarded as the end goal of a human life, which determines how successful a person's life has been; it has layers to how problematic this notion is. 

Photograph: The Guardian

Honest and true parenting is a selfless act. The roots of wanting to give birth lies in the idea that you wish to have a part of yourself in this world even when you have passed away. You nurture a little human and teach them your values so they can grow in this world. Either way, any parent must be aware that the child will soon become an adult with desires and needs of their own. Parents often use different kinds of emotional abuse techniques on their own children, at times unknowingly and sometimes....willingly. 

There are several ways through which parents emotionally abuse their children. The biggest tactic used is gaining control by providing children material goods. For example- telling a child to comply to their needs by saying that they should be grateful their parents as they give them food and a place to live. Then comes another way of guilt-tripping a child by making them feel like a failure when they are unable to stand up to their parents' expectations. This leads to incredibly low self-esteem among children. They also make the child believe that they are uncaring and thankless for their parents' "love"; which is obviously used as an incentive by the manipulative parents so their child will always rely on them for everything. Another tactic used is when parents use "silent treatment" and withhold love as a form of punishment to cause emotional distress in the child's mind. They make the child feel like they are bad for not bending to their parents' will. Emotional abuse is the most common however some people truly don't shy away from engaging in physical violence with their naive children. 

Photograph: Being The Parent

A child who goes through the situations like above end up carrying this baggage to their adult life and sometimes in late adulthood as well. In front of the parents, their arguments and wishes are often shut down by fake anger (using enraged phrases so the victim gets scared and the conversation is ended before it's even further pursued). I feel like parents project themselves on their children more than they should. They almost try to restart their life by living it through another human. They spend their lives trying to right the wrongs they did, the opportunities they missed are forced on their children because "that's what's right". Not realising that you only get to live life once and the little human through which they have tried to redeem their mistakes is not a doll, but a person who can think, act and feel, on their own. 

Being a victim of toxic parenthood is an injury which often time fails to heal. It's a terrible situation to live in because the very people who are supposed to give you a loving and safe home, are also responsible for your biggest heartbreak. 

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